


The Attribute of the Strong

by JackHawksmoor



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Growth, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Leia is the only sane man, Luke the sunshine boy, Medical Trauma, sad murder dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26564314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackHawksmoor/pseuds/JackHawksmoor
Summary: Post-Endor AU- While fighting against the remnants of the Empire, Vader hides his need for some desperately important medical care. Given that his son is a Jedi, he doesn't actually hide it all that well.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Darth Vader, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Comments: 29
Kudos: 324





	The Attribute of the Strong

**Author's Note:**

> "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."- Gandhi

The battle had gone on for days before they'd managed to drive the emperor's forces away. His men were exhausted. Vader was exhausted.  
  
He hoped that would make what he was about to do easier to endure.   
  
Vader took a deep breath as his helmet was removed. The room had been modified for his needs; He'd done the work himself. For obvious reasons, he could not remain in the suit during this particular medical procedure.  
  
A stab of nausea crawled up his throat as he settled back on the table, watching the droids remove the rest of his armor. A fine trembling had settled in under his skin. He had to allow this. He had to allow this if he wanted to keep his children safe.   
  
The smell of his own skin was unpleasant; It had been too long since his last debridement. If he was honest with himself, it had been too long a month ago, but there hadn't been a break in the fighting long enough for Vader to risk being incapacitated the next time he was needed.   
  
He would not risk leaving his son unprotected in battle.  
  
They had taken Naboo and crushed half the remaining fleet loyal to the emperor. It would be at least a week before they could gather the remnants together into enough of a force to risk another attack. If his daughter took his advice in her talks with Mitth'raw'nuruodo and introduced herself as a Skywalker instead of an Organa it would probably be longer. The next attack might never come at all. Either way, there was enough time for Vader to endure what must be endured, and to be ready to fight again if he needed to.  
  
Vader knew what to expect from an un-medicated debridement; During all his years serving the emperor he had been permitted sedation only once. His former master had felt the pain would strengthen Vader's connection to the dark side. He hadn't been wrong; He had simply overestimated Vader's mental stability. The last time he'd undergone a debridement without medication he had destroyed the entire medical bay and barely survived the damage he'd inflicted on the seals keeping the room pressurized with the high levels of oxygen he needed to live outside his suit.   
  
Afterwards, the emperor had allowed sedation. Given the relatively low level Vader could receive in his physical state and still survive, it hadn't been particularly effective. Vader had destroyed less of the room, but not by much. Worse, the damage had not been done out of rage or pain; It had been done out of confusion. He couldn't risk it, not while he was on the same ship as his children.  
  
One of the droids diligently tested the restraints holding him to the table. The other was out of his sight, the small clinking and shuffling sounds indicating his examination of the equipment. A familiar, medicinal smell slid into Vader's mind like a knife. His ears were ringing. His heartbeat skyrocketed.   
  
Vader wrestled with his own reflexive, rising horror.   
  
He reminded himself once again, that the ship was not as sturdy as the emperor's medical wing. No matter how painful it was, _Vader had to allow this_. He had to remain calm enough to keep his shields strong, or his pain would hurt his son. Luke had bonded too closely to him; The boy had no sense of self-preservation. At least Leia would be safe. She kept him at a much more sensible distance. He suspected that if she didn't need his tactical experience and the people who were loyal to him, she wouldn't speak to him at all.  
  
Vader had endured the procedure for years before his fears began to pick away at his resolve, certainly he could again. He would endure the sound of the instruments and the smell of the solvent that burrowed terror into his mind and started shrieking like the swift approach of total madness-   
  
The locked door to the room opened with a hiss of escaping oxygen. Vader eyes snapped toward it in shock- _he was helpless_ -  
  
His son burst into the room, his face white, looking like he'd just sprinted across half the ship. Luke's eyes were huge and frightened. Before Vader could say a word, his son took in the sight of him lying strapped to the table, saw the droids hovering with sharp implements, and made a mistaken assumption. His son's expression went dark and fierce.   
  
Luke threw his hand out, his presence unfurling in the Force with deadly power. The droid closest to Vader was thrown screeching into the wall.  
  
"No-" _NO_. Vader's voice outside the suit was pathetic and hoarse, but his mental voice was strong. Luke froze.  
  
_This is...by choice. By necessity._  
  
Luke frowned, approaching cautiously, his eyes moving over the setup. After a moment he stiffened, radiating surprise. He must have recognized something. Vader had not kept his need for this treatment a secret from his son, only the precise time he had planned to undergo it.  
  
Vader watched understanding bloom on his son's face with dismay. He had hoped Luke would be exhausted enough after the battle to sleep through anything he might sense from Vader.  
  
"You should have said something," Luke chided him. As if it was a simple thing to ask. 'Join me for a walk. Talk to me about your sister's regrettable taste in romantic partners. Watch me be torn apart into agony and madness while I beg for death'.  
  
"You shouldn't have to do this alone," he added quietly, concerned.  
  
For a moment Vader yearned for that with every cell in his body. It was impossible, but he wanted that. The idea of having someone there to reach for... it was hopeless to imagine it, and it broke him a little when he imagined it anyway. He would never be able to stand it.  
  
Luke had seen him without the suit before, but Vader hated it, hated watching Luke look at how little was left of him, because he knew on some level it hurt his son to see him in pain. Imagining Luke's horror at seeing him during a debridement only added to Vader's distress. He would never be able to survive the process, if he also had to pretend he was fine for Luke's sake. It was hard enough under normal circumstances; Having Luke there and trying to protect him would break him.  
  
With a little fission of despair, Vader realized he was hanging on by a thread. He was a fool to have thought he could handle any of this stoically. _Luke had to go now_.  
  
Vader shut his eyes. "You must leave me." He had intended to sound commanding. To his ear he almost sounded like he was begging. The smell of the solvent was thick in the air, crawling under his skin. It smelled like pain. Like screaming his sanity away. He was only ever witnessed by droids programmed not to care if he begged, if he was weak...

Luke reached out and put his bare hand on Vader's shoulder. The physical touch, skin to skin, shocked him out of his spiralling train of thought.

When had he last touched anyone? Decades? Had it been decades?  
  
" _Father_ ," Luke said, painting the word into his mind. "Let me help you."  
  
Vader looked up at his son with the longing that came from hopelessness. After everything he had done, the idea of Luke trying to protect him from this wasn't just wrong, it was almost offensive. _If only you could._  
  
"I can," Luke said, picking up on the thought. His hand squeezed Vader's shoulder gently, the feeling stamping itself onto Vader's soul. He might have actually made a noise. Humiliating.  
  
Luke leaned close. "Sleep," he said, pushing at Vader with the Force.  
  
As strong as his son was, as worn out as Vader was, he actually felt the pull of sleep for a moment. But only a moment.   
  
Vader gave him a look. "You didn't...actually think that would work." He couldn't manage enough air for a scoff, but he suspected the intention made itself clear.  
  
Luke smiled, and he looked so pained and exhausted Vader's heart lurched.  
  
"It can if you let me," he urged.  
  
There was a very specific sound Vader knew very well. A droid-specific sound. Wide-eyed, Vader tried to tilt his head up to look. His son touched his cheek and Vader was so shocked he let the boy draw his face back toward him.  
  
" _Sleep_ ," Luke urged. The Force gathered itself up behind his son with impressive strength and obediently washed over Vader, the command pressing itself gently into every cell of his body.  
  
He fought it on reflex, struggling to reach out to his son through the suggestion. The droid-  
  
_Father_ , Luke sent to him in shocking gentleness. _Let me._  
  
The Force pressed against him warmly, and his son was so _strong_ , and he was so _tired_. He should tell his son to leave, he should insist...The fine-toothed agony in his bones and his lungs started to feel farther away. He didn't want to be awake for this, he didn't want to know, to feel-  
  
_Sleep_ , Luke urged, and the Force rolled over him, pulling him under. It whispered comfort and safety. It felt like Luke. Something in him relaxed and the Force rushed into the gap in his defenses. All the tension, all the pain drained away and he was so warm-  
  
Something too painful to ignore shocked him awake. It was like being flayed, _he was being flayed alive-_  
  
Vader tried to gasp, to breathe, to open his eyes-  
  
_Sleep._ Achingly gentle. Toweringly undeniable.   
  
_Luke?_ he managed, before the Force crashed over him like a wave, pulling him somewhere soft and kind and far away.  
  
The next time he came to all at once with a scream tearing from his throat _father_ and he looked around wild-eyed at the droids tearing him apart, roaring in agony _father,_ _listen to me_ he couldn't think, there was nothing, _don't look at that_ nothing but pain, and then there was more of it, he couldn't-  
  
He was nothing, he was one long ragged scream of horror given monstrous life, until someone grabbed him in the Force, grabbed him inside his mind where the pain was living, fighting through it to push something at him, and he was desperate for it, he couldn't think, but he knew this presence, and he needed him and please, please-  
  
He looked up into an exhausted, familiar face.  
  
_SLEEP_ , Luke ordered him with a strength that would brook no resistance. Vader sagged, the command thundering through him, and he had just enough time for a spike of desperate, lightheaded relief before he leaned back and back and-  
  
Peace. Or something like it. Vader opened his eyes in dreamy contentment. He was in a bacta tank.   
  
He blinked, frowning. He had been...  
  
Vader's eyes widened as memories started slotting into place.   
  
He looked down at himself in confused disbelief. His skin was raw and clean and tingling from the bacta. It felt as though it had been only a few minutes, but to his experienced eye it appeared as though his skin had been more thoroughly stripped of dead tissue than he'd been able to tolerate since Palpatine had first crammed him into his suit. It should have taken hours. It didn't seem possible.  
  
Vader squinted through the transparent wall of the tank. Outside of the helmet his eyesight wasn't particularly good, and the curved wall of the tank distorted the room. He thought...  
  
Luke was close, sleeping sprawled in a chair he'd dragged close to the tank, his presence in the force dimmed in exhaustion.   
  
Something twisted in Vader's chest, as though someone had just made a fist around his heart. His mind went blank; His emotions had strangled him silent. Luke had stayed. Luke had stayed with him.  
  
He would never understand the boy. He hoped he never changed into someone Vader could understand.  
  
Vader reached out through the Force, thinking that Luke couldn't be particularly comfortable. He was intending to wake his son, urge him to go back to his quarters and sleep in a proper bed. He'd done more than enough; Certainly more than Vader deserved.  
  
He was not expecting to find-  
  
"Don't you dare," Leia said quietly, startling him. She'd been standing far enough back from the tank he'd had no idea she was there. Leia spoke both in thought and in words, layering one over the other.   
  
Vader had noticed she was not yet comfortable communicating through her thoughts alone. When he'd commented on it to Luke, his son had laughed and told him Leia was perfectly capable, she just refused to do it because she thought that silently speaking thought-to-thought was 'creepy'. Leia was an immovable object when she made a decision about something; He did not need his son to tell him that much.  
  
_Luke is exhausted_ , Vader thought to her, somewhat tentative. _He would sleep better in a bed_. Vader was generally somewhat tentative around her.   
  
Leia stepped away from Luke, close enough to the tank that her somewhat sour expression was visible.  
  
"And who's fault is it that he's exhausted?" She asked coolly. "Besides, If you knew him at all you'd know the second he wakes up he'll be too worried about you to go."  
  
His daughter made a habit of reminding him that she knew his son better than he did. It came up less often than the reminders that Luke was definitely too good for him, and he was damn lucky Luke had no sense at all when family was involved.  
  
He didn't disagree, though it always seemed like she expected him to.  
  
However, he could sense that at the moment she did not feel as irritated as she sounded. She felt...subdued.  
  
It was a shock that she was there; He would never have thought she would have a strong enough tie to him to feel his distress. He wouldn't have thought she would care over-much even if she did feel it. Vader tried not to pin any optimism on the fact that she'd come.  
  
Leia crossed her arms. "I came because I felt Luke," she said firmly. "Because you were hurting him." Her mental voice was as pointed as her physical one.  
  
Vader looked at his son with a wrench of remorse.  
  
_I told him to go_ , Vader explained, distressed. _I told him to leave me._ He felt a tremor of exasperation. _He would not listen_.  
  
Leia looked at her brother and softened. "Yeah, that sounds like him." She hesitated. "He was frantic over you. I don't think he would have stopped if I'd asked him."  
  
Vader was silent. He could say nothing; They were both aware of Luke's unwise sentimentalism where he was concerned.  
  
Leia looked at the floor, and he felt her internal conflict.  
  
"You're all right, now, though?" she said finally.  
  
It was, apparently, his day for sudden shocks.   
  
_Yes_. He fought back against his sudden rush of startled hope, worried that if she sensed she'd made him happy, she might lash out. Hurting him to prove she still hated him, so to speak.  
  
Leia gave him a considering look, and he was abruptly certain she had picked up on that thought.  
  
She dropped her eyes from his, turning to look down at her brother. "I've never felt him like that before, you know."  
  
Vader frowned. _In pain?_ Surely Leia had seen Luke in pain before. She'd seen Luke in pain from injuries at his hands, in fact.  
  
"No, he was..." Leia half reached out to her brother, but stopped herself. She lifted her eyes to him again. There was a fierceness on her face that he wasn't expecting. "He loves you."  
  
Vader was taken aback. Not at the fact that his son loved him; Luke was not one to hide his feelings from anyone. Granted, the first time Luke had told him Vader had stopped dead and stared blankly at the wall for nearly five minutes. But even if Luke hadn't ever said the words, by this point Vader would have had to be blind not to see it. His surprise came because Leia had admitted it.   
  
She was looking at him as if she expected him to respond.  
  
_He does_ , Vader confirmed. Then, _I do not deserve it_.  
  
That pleased her. That he knew enough not to excuse himself. That he understood enough to be grateful for a son like Luke.  
  
"When you're hurt, he's hurt," Leia said with a sigh. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "So I'm not going to hurt you, Lord Vader." Leia paused, and after a long silence, "I'm not going to hate you, for his sake."  
  
Vader stared at her, struck dumb with a hot rush of emotion.  
  
She nodded in satisfaction, as businesslike as if she'd just finished reporting on a successful mission. "Let Luke sleep, all right? He wants to be here."   
  
She turned away from him with finality. It was the most cordial conversation they'd ever had.  
  
_General Organa_ , he thought to her, deciding to push his luck. She was too far away for him to see her, but he felt her pause. He couldn't thank her for not hating him, that would be asinine. _I do not deserve it,_ he settled on.  
  
He couldn't see her, but he felt her smile, just a little. _No,_ she thought to him. _But I can live with that._  
  



End file.
